How To Use Assertive Communication
Some people find expressing and communicating how they feel to be daunting and overwhelming. They might be dealing with dominant individuals in their personal life or workplace. This could lead them to feel anxious and nervous dealing with those individuals that are causing them difficulty. After a while they might get angry and annoyed that they are not being treated fairly and no longer want to put up with it. There could be situations where they want to gain clarity and to understand the other person’s point of view and don’t know how to get their message across clearly. Maybe they want to express their own needs and thoughts and just don’t know how to go about it. These are real life examples where people struggle with their communication.
Communicating effectively is a skill that can be learned and developed. Before I explain what effective and clear communication is, I will discuss a various of communication types.
There are three types of communication which are passive, aggressive and assertive.
Passive communication is when you don’t speak up for yourself and put your needs last. People who adapt this approach tend to ‘keep the peace’, allow themselves to be bullied or ignored.
Aggressive communication is forcing your opinions and needs onto others. This approach can come across as bullying the other person and not caring about their needs.
How do you go about respecting your own needs and the needs of the other person without being passive or aggressive?
Assertive communication is the best approach for this.
Assertive communication is expressing your needs and feelings in an honest way that is clear and direct while respecting the needs and feelings of the other person.
I will share a couple of tips in how to be assertive with your communication is to:
- Be clear in how you state your point of view.
- Express how you feel to the other person and be honest. Listen to what they have to say.
- The volume and tone of your voice: Don’t whisper or shout. Speak like you would do in a normal conversation.
- Body language: Make eye contact with the other person, stand tall and relax your face.
- Speak with facts instead of judgements and don’t label the other person.
- Use the word ‘I’ instead of ‘You’ statements. Using the word ‘I’ communicates how you feel while ‘You’ comes across accusing the other person.
- Ask questions to understand what the other person means to gain clarity rather than make assumptions.
Assertiveness does take practice. It is about having confidence in how you handle difficult situations and communicating your message that is easy to understand and is clear.
By taking the time to develop this communication skill it will allow you to handle both your personal and professional relationships better with more understanding and clarity without conflict arising or feeling hurt as a result.
