How To Deal With Setbacks

“Ever tried. Ever Failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

We’ve all been in a position where we tried something that just didn’t work out the way we wanted it to. Failing an exam, losing a sports match, being fired from a job, closing a start-up, all of these are setbacks that make the time and hard work put into them feel like a huge waste. A major setback can often be enough to convince someone that they’re a failure and cast personal doubt on their abilities to bounce back. They want to put it behind them and move forward with their life, but the confidence and self-belief necessary just isn’t there anymore.

Setbacks are ultimately just a part of life that we must accept, because sometimes things just don’t go as planned, no matter the extent of our effort. To view oneself as a failure over a setback will instil the fear of failing again within you, and this will limit your motivation to keep trying

So instead, let’s take a different perspective: Maybe setbacks can actually be a good thing. I’ve got some tips that might help you reshape your view and develop a more resilient mindset that can push you towards starting again.

First, when you’re faced with something you think is a failure, try to ask yourself what you can learn from the experience and what you need to do differently next time to achieve your desired outcome. Adopt the mindset of ‘Win and Learn’. Mistakes are victories because they can help you. Apply lessons from your supposed failures to make improvements in the future.

The second piece of advice is to remember that how you respond to a setback is entirely your choice. If you choose to view it as a failure, that will shape your perspective on the experience and your self-belief in its aftermath. Instead, your response should be to accept it, avoid passing blame to another person or an external force, and look to the future. This will help to ensure that when you are applying what you learned to your next attempts, you won’t be clouded by toxic negativity.

Next, you should think about your role models. Athletes, artists, entrepreneurs, or even successful people in your own life. All of them have faced setbacks, and all of them have overcome those setbacks. They did so by responding with a positive attitude and a will to learn from their mistakes. If they can do it, then so can you.

I would also encourage you to trust your instincts and your intuition. Oftentimes, the decision to go a different way than where your gut is guiding you is nothing more than an act of self-sabotage. You are pursuing these goals for you, so the likelihood is that your gut instincts are correct.

Another good tip is to plan out your action steps for the next attempt and do so with every lesson you’ve learned in mind. Defining a clear plan can make the path ahead so much clearer, especially when you can be confident that you won’t be held back by the same mistakes as before.

My next tip that it’s okay to ask for support if necessary. You might have struggled with your previous attempts because of a lack of knowledge or skills, and you can enhance these with the help of a coach or mentor.

Lastly, if you feel like you’ve already given your best possible attempt at achieving a particular goal and it’s time to move on to a new challenge, then that’s what you should do. And you should do it without regrets. You gave it your best shot and it didn’t work out, but you can still learn from it, and you can still apply lessons from that experience in whatever you try to do next.

When dealing with setbacks, you should only consider them from the perspective of your internal motives and not from some external drive to impress someone or prove someone wrong. This will never lead to true fulfilment because it will have nothing to do with what you actually want. Do what is best for you, and always give yourself some time to reflect and embrace solitude because through that, you will discover your passions and values.

If I was to recommend one book on overcoming setbacks it would be Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. This book provides insight on how to look at challenges and setbacks differently and how to ensure that fears and the aftershocks of past negative experiences don’t hold us back from our true potential.